Let's Talk About Emus

Let’s talk about emus. Emus are well known protectors of small camelids like alpacas- in case we cannot find another llama- so you know I have been considering such a beast.

As it happens, my husband and I skeedaddled away from the grown and not quite flown due to Covid children Sunday afternoon in search of beer and ice cream for dinner. As luck would have it, there was also an emu on the property. It was only right we attempt to learn a bit more about them and make friends. Here is what I now know- emus can run up to 31 mph, they eviscerate small animals for dinner- unless nice people like me give them buckets of grain, they have super big eyes and eyelashes as long as my arm to lure the unsuspecting new owner into a sense of “hey, look at me and my amazing eyes, I am cute and cuddly and will protect you...” I felt myself slipping into those eyes, heard the heartstrings pop and felt a gentle hand on my shoulder as my husband lured me away with promises to “talk more about it tomorrow” as he added a scoop of his chocolate ice cream to my nearly empty bowl. I am easily distracted by chocolate.

Fast forward three days, and we are at dinner with the grown and not quite flown due to Covid bunch when the topic of emus comes up. My daughter, ever the comedian- suggests that we get him on a trial run and pretend he is a dog. Here is the plan. We catch and pen the emu, drive him home in the back of the pick up, introduce him to the dogs- we will hide the cat because, well, eviscerating small creatures for food comes to mind, and name him Spot.

We then gate him in the dining room until Sunday- with food, water and a litter box because we are not mean- when the entire family will be here to celebrate my father-in-laws 88th birthday. Then, we bring everyone to the table for a brunch feast and cake while “Spot” sits quietly by waiting for scraps. If anyone asks, we will say he is a new breed of dog, and gently suggest they keep their hands out of reach of his huge clawed feet at all times. We have made a group pact to ignore the incredulous stares. I think it is a solid plan.

Oh, I almost forgot “Spot’s” eggs are big enough to make an omelette for 4-6 adults. We will be having quiche for birthday brunch. No one will suspect a thing! Especially since we now house 19 chickens. I promise to keep you posted as long as you promise not to tell.

In the meantime, meet our new dog, Spot!