A Gay Alpaca Stud - Why Not?

I have a secret to share with you all today. You know, now that I consider you friends. However, I should warn you that the content could change your view of me and my farm forever, but I think it is something you need to know. My alpaca stud-Gunsmoke- is gay. Yup, it’s true- the animal I purchased with the intention of continuing the species is afraid of the girls. Now, I am sure you are wondering how I know this. It is not like alpacas come with a manual titled “How to Determine the Sexual Orientation of Your Herdsire,” but there are certain undeniable signs. Keep in mind- that I believe love is love no matter the form and it sure is not my business who anyone chooses to love- EXCEPT when I purchase an animal specifically for the purpose of continuing a genetic line.

In fairness, no one could have possibly known that the animal, whose confirmation and temperament are absolutely things you want to continue, had absolutely zero desire to do what was needed to make this happen. Forget that his fleece is ridiculously thick and luxurious, forget that he loves all people and is brilliant with special needs kids, forget that he is king of the rock because, well, he is afraid of the ladies. So, how do I know this? Well, for starters when there was a female outside in the sight line of all of my male alpacas they all ran to the gate and began to orgle(the alpaca equivalent of, “hey baby, let’s get to know each other better”) Gunsmoke- the herdsire and leader of all things -was missing. Where was he, you ask? Sunbathing at the top of the field and gorging himself on apples. Calm, cool, collected and completely oblivious. Okay, maybe he is just having a bad day- overtired from leading the pack, stuffed to the gills and simply not feeling it today. I get that. Let’s give him a second chance.

I set him up on a date. Dolled him up, fluffed his fleece, made sure all was less than stinky and packed him in the trailer - his trailer riding is a story for another day- and drove him to the girl’s house, making sure to stay out of the line of sight because, really, who wants their mother watching when you are trying to get to know a girl?! I set him free in the field with the girls and hid to watch from a distance. At first, he refused to enter the pen. Once he did, well, let’s just say the girls totally had the upper hand and he was NOT impressed. He spit, he screamed, he ran in circles begging for release from the pen of the demons, and finally he went to the corner furthest away and simply lay down in defeat. Meanwhile, the other males on the farm are losing their bloody minds with jealousy. Clearly, the only solution was to release him from his misery and bring in the backup. We did, the job got done, and I have accepted the sad reality that Gunsmoke is never gonna make me an alpaca grandma. Sad? Maybe, but really, how many people do you know who have a gay alpaca stud that loves people, gives amazing kisses, produces incredible fleece and has eyes for no one but me. He may be different, but we love him. Promise you won’t tell him our secret if you come visit or meet him somewhere. He still thinks he is King- and he is.